New Year

January 1st will mark our 5th wedding anniversary. I am not sure why, but it seems as though we have been married for much longer than five years. Not in a bad way, where you resent each other and dread waking up every day. Rather in a very comfortable sort of way, like when you sit in one of those old leather chairs and it's so soft that you sort of sink into and then all of a sudden you are taking a good nap in the middle of the day.

So much has changed in the last five years. I have gone from working for a civil engineering firm to working on roofs and not knowing if I am going to make enough money for bills, or even afford food. At first, when I started to make less and less money, I was frustrated and full of anxiety. I can honestly say that I never expected everything to turn out this way; with me attending a seminary class full time, volunteering my time at church, extremely poor, totally depending on the kindness of others to eat day by day. Nowadays though, I can only be calm. The more I go to class and study, the more I struggle with every little sin in my life. I'm not talking about lying or stealing, or some other sin that most people think about when they think about struggles. I mean that every little action and thought that I have is immediately challenged in my mind. It is as though there is an other in my mind, scouring every action and thought in trying to align both to a higher standard. Although it sounds as though this would be a burden, giving in to this other will has opened me up to a quieter inner life. My mind feels more at rest for a change. For this, I am eternally grateful.

Winding Down

Last Saturday I spent the day working on my parent's roof. It was a fairly easy repair, except I had to be lowered down with a rope.

It does not look like I am very high off the ground in this picture. The next one is much better at showing  the difficulty I had in climbing up there without a rope.

Other than that, it's been a relatively quiet week for me.

A day in the life.

Thomas Kelly once wrote, "Our old ambitions and heroic dreams--what years we have wasted feeding our own insatiable self-pride, when only His will truly matters! Placed in coveted surroundings, recipients of honors, we count them as refuse, as nothing, utterly nothing. Placed in the shadows, we are happy to pick up a straw for the love of God. No task is so small as to distress us, no honor so great s to turn our heads. Such loosening of the chains of attachment is easy, if we be given times of a sense of unutterable nearness to Himself. Still others obstruct this detachment, reject it as absurd or unneeded, and cling to mammon while they seek to cling to God."

That one line always keeps coming back to me, "Placed in the shadows, we are happy to pick up a straw for the love of God."

I am so excited and feel so blessed that I have the opportunity to help out at the church. Going up there on Fridays and Sundays to help with the sermon is definitely the height of my week, along with going to class on Mondays. It may sound corny or hokey, but I feel a real peace come over me when I am studying the old or new testament. I do not yearn for acclamation from anyone, but I do wish that I could devote entirely my waking time to ministry. At the same time I worry that if I had the opportunity to do so, that I would become corrupted. I suppose only time will tell. I would say that I am certain that I would not be easily swayed, but I have noticed that those who state such things usually are the ones to fall.

For now then, I shall keep a watchful eye on my actions and pray that I may be receptive and open to criticism when my guard is let down.

Hopefully I will be back again to blog about something a little less serious next time.