The Human Experience

I was supposed to go to this meditation/dance event tonight that I was invited to. It's supposed to be about opening up with people you don't know. This is exactly what I want. I long to connect with others. I long for it with all my might. At the same time I am so scared of connecting with anybody. I backed out at the last minute and instead I'm going to go work out, push those weights around, beat the hell out of my body on the elliptical and go home. I want so badly to feel alive and yet I'm so scared of feeling again. I want to feel the highs but I'm afraid of the lows because I've been in a valley for so long and I can barely remember what the top of the hill is like. I want to feel the warm rays of sunshine that come with knowing that I am a whole being. I am a person. I have an identity besides...what? A dedicated employee. A dedicated gym goer?